I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
