is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
