I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
