You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
