don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
