He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
