I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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