I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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