so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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