Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
