Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
