I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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