I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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