His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Michael Bay diarrhea
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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