you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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