Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
