Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
