all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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