She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
