We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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