There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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