someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
