if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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