That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
