im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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