I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
