Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
