I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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