no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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