Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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