drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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