Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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