oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
pray to the hookup gods
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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