the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
