just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
