i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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