Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
