I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
