but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize