It's Friday. Sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
