That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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