i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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