guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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