I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize