HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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