He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize