I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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