Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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