Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you traded sex for a burrito?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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