Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
