That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize