cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
