Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
