we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
