His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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