Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
