Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
