Please, let me fuck your mom
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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