I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
