I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My penis needs a shock collar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
