Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
