Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
