she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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