The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
