Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
