I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
