ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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