Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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