we have officially lost it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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