Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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