He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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