the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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