I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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