and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
